Netflix and Chill: The Tragic Story of How this Generation has Hit Rock Bottom

For those of you who don’t know, “Netflix and Chill” is a phrase this generation has created as a way to ask one another to hang out. Usually, when someone asks you to “Netflix and Chill,” they’re really asking:

Do you want to come over and hang out on my gross dorm room bed which God knows what else has been on it and watch a poorly made LifeTime movie while I awkwardly touch your leg and occasionally side glance at your chest.

Sure, sounds great see you soon. NOT. Are you kidding me? This is what romance has come to? What happened to asking me to grab a cup of coffee or a bite to eat? What happened to flowers and opening doors and goodnight kisses?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love just relaxing and hanging out occasionally. But if you’re asking me to “Netflix and Chill” right after we first meet, I’m going to say I’d honestly rather shoot myself in the foot or like in the arm or something. If I want to watch Netflix, I’m going to do it in the safety of my own comfy bed while funneling a bag of popcorn into my mouth.

The ONLY thing worse than boys thinking asking to “Netflix and Chill” is an acceptable thing to do, is girls who say things like, “I’m not the kind of girl who wants to go on dates and have you buy me dinner, I honestly just want to Netflix and Chill.” You, sweetie, are the worst kind of person. I have heels higher than your standards. Have some respect for yourself! Don’t be ashamed to say “hey guy, treat me like a lady or leave me alone.”

Does this make me a brat? A Princess? 20 years ago- absolutely not. This was the only acceptable way of thinking. In 2015 though? Most likely. Which is really shitty.

I only hope that there are still some men out there who respect this way of thinking, because I’m not changing my mind anytime soon.

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Dear Girls Who Glisten,

There are two types of girls you see at the gym –

glistening girls

Ones who look like this.

me at the gym

And me.

Why must you look pretty at the gym? Who told you that was a good idea? Why do you glisten when I sweat like a fat man running a marathon? These are all questions I would love to hear the answers to. When I leave the gym, my shirt and hair are drenched and I smell like a homeless man. I’m just being honest – sorry if it’s gross. I don’t drive all the way across town (about a quarter of a mile, thanks Olean) to waste my time at the gym lifting three pound weights and stretching in the mirror with a full face of makeup. If that is your daily workout, do yourself a favor and STAY HOME. Everyone knows you’re just there to get attention. Also, it just pisses me off that you look good and I look bad. So stop looking good at the gym. Please. That’s all.

Sincerely,

Girls who aren’t afraid to sweat

Pot Callin’ the Kettle Crazy

This topic came to my attention when my friend Kelsey (not her real name but I’m not trying to get beat up), was ranting on and on about her new man, let’s say his name is Blake, and how he has a crazy ex-girlfriend. Kelsey said Blake’s ex girlfriend still snap chats him all the time and gives Kelsey dirty looks around campus.  Listening to her say these things I’m thinking in my head… Kelsey you literally did the exact same thing with your ex-boyfriend and his new girl…

So don’t deny it- at least one time in your life you’ve used the term “crazy ex-girlfriend” to describe someone, most likely your new man’s former lover. And that’s ok, because I have too! Everyone does it. Everyone knows at least one girl who’s known for being a little too overprotective and jealous long after she should be. But, who isn’t? Going through a break up is hard; trust me I’ve had the pleasure of going through it more times than I’d like to admit. Seeing your ex moving on from your relationship and getting cozy with someone else can be really hard to watch. If you don’t get jealous then you either really never cared in the first place, or you’re the 1% in this world, (and if that’s the case, where can I get the drugs you’re taking).

The point I’m trying to make is everyone’s a little crazy. Some definitely more than others I’ll give you that, but it’s really just us girls trying to mend our broken hearts. It humors me to listen to my friends bitch and complain about how this girls crazy or that girl needs to get a grip, and then six months later seeing them act in the same exact way.

Just remember ladies, if she’s talking trash it means shes jealous, and I’m speaking from both ends of the spectrum. I’ve dealt with the crazies and I have been one of the crazies. It’s a never ending cycle. Just embrace your crazy side, I know I sure as hell do.