Dear Girls Who Glisten,

There are two types of girls you see at the gym –

glistening girls

Ones who look like this.

me at the gym

And me.

Why must you look pretty at the gym? Who told you that was a good idea? Why do you glisten when I sweat like a fat man running a marathon? These are all questions I would love to hear the answers to. When I leave the gym, my shirt and hair are drenched and I smell like a homeless man. I’m just being honest – sorry if it’s gross. I don’t drive all the way across town (about a quarter of a mile, thanks Olean) to waste my time at the gym lifting three pound weights and stretching in the mirror with a full face of makeup. If that is your daily workout, do yourself a favor and STAY HOME. Everyone knows you’re just there to get attention. Also, it just pisses me off that you look good and I look bad. So stop looking good at the gym. Please. That’s all.

Sincerely,

Girls who aren’t afraid to sweat

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