Things That Are Things That Shouldn’t Be Things

“Why is that a thing?”

I find myself asking this question that doesn’t make sense but you know exactly what I’m talking about at least six times a day. Here is a list of just a few of those things that really have no reason to be things at all.

  1.  Mosquito bites. Actually, mosquitoes in general. Why in the world do mosquitoes exist? What purpose do they serve? All they do is fly around, suck my blood and make me itch. I’m pretty sure if those annoying creepy little bugs became extinct we would all live to see another day. So get on that, Mother Nature.
  2. Instagram accounts made specifically for dogs.  I literally don’t think it would be possible for me to care less about what your dog ate this morning. I don’t care that your tiny shit of a dog is wearing a red sweater with a bone on it. I just don’t. Some of these Instagram accounts for dogs get millions of followers and I’m over here worrying I won’t get over 12 likes on my picture and everyone’s names who actually did like it are just gonna sit there and stare at me mocking my existence.
  3. Bad Wifi connections. It is 2015, and yet I still can’t get on the internet at my house at least half of the time that I am here. Why/how is bad wifi still a thing. Why do I get better wifi sitting in my car outside of Dunkin Donuts when I pay $100 a semester to have wifi at my house? Get your shit together Time Warner. Imbeciles.
  4. Holding the door for someone and realizing they aren’t going to say thank you. Like excuse you I just wasted my time trying to accommodate to your wants and needs like the nice person I am, and you’re not going to say thank you? Oh no. Every time that happens I almost just want to make them go back outside and then shut the door in their face and stick my tongue out at them. But then I realize that I am 20 years old and that’s frowned upon in most places.
  5. The massive amounts of money that we pay to get an education. Why am I spending all of my (parents’) money just to get a job in order to pay off all of my student loans… it doesn’t make sense and it shouldn’t be a thing and I hate it.
  6. Pointy finger nails. Why do you have to have such pointy long nails? You’re not a witch this isn’t Halloween and those are a safety hazard.
  7. Kylie Jenner. Remind me why she’s relevant again?
  8. People who talk over other people. Sitting in class and hearing someone else talk when the professor is talking is like nails on a chalkboard to me. You can shut your mouth for 50 minutes and not die, I believe in you Ms. Chatty Cathy. The only thing that might be worse than that is when people try to talk to you when you’re watching your show. Like remove yourself from my presence if you’re going to make noises while I’m watching Scandal, thank you very much.
  9. Girls who cry about everything. Your emotions stress me out and I’m going to have to ask you to get a grip and grow up. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not that serious. Actually, sensitive people in general really piss me off. Like no I wasn’t talking about you when I asked why there was an ugly horse in the dining hall, please get over yourself.
  10. Silent letters. If they’re silent, why on Gods green earth are they there in the first place. Why is there a “k” in knife, why is there a “s” in island and why is there a “b” in dumb? Oh that’s right, for absolutely no reason at all except for to mess with kids who participate in spelling bees.
  11. And finally, even though I could go on forever, people who suck at texting. I know you have your phone and I know you read my text. It’s funny- I see you tweeting but I don’t see any messages popping up on my phone from you I guess it must have gotten lost in the digital world because I know you’re not just ignoring me because I know you know I know you read it…

And that, everyone, is my shortened and censored list of things that are things that really shouldn’t be things.


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